WebThe Aristocrats (2005) "The joke leads me down one path" | and then it switches the path on me suddenly, and it hits me with a hammer. Duchess: Now, now, Thomas. It's a totally different show. It's just, "Here we go, "folks. Berlioz:[offscreen]Aw, shut up, Toulouse. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, ho! Amelia: You will never learn to swim properlywith that willow branch in your mouth. Will. John Leader: He created a motion picture based on a story that held a special place in his heart. I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. Evening, Edgar. There are descriptions of foreskin and Popeye-like forearms. "Roquefort". Let'sget back into the basket, all of us! He takes the tampon and throws it at the window and it sticks. Marie:[offscreen]Abraham de Lacy Giuseppe Casey! Genie Chorus: [singing] They're eventually getting married at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!! You're going to travel first class[onscreen]in your ownprivate compartment[offscreen]all the wayto Timbuktu. O'Malley:Over there! Quotes.net. Why? [baby begins to cry] Yeah I didn't like it that much myself. Poppycock, man! Ow! Abigail: You know, deary, your husband is very charmingand very handsome. Kittens! Robin Williams: It's a kindler, gentler genie! This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors Come on, guys. I've only got one. Ooh! (onscreen)Five! Mark Elliott: But a band of notorious thieves. Possibly a reprobate. O'Malley:[offscreen]Look, I'mgonna need help right away. Why, oh why, is he allowing this to happen?, Editors picks Who do you want me to sue, eh? [Sniffling][Sloshing][Splat]Yeah! It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. Born in April of 1811, he was the I'm the leader. [Snarling, Hissing, Spitting ]. Children, where are you? Napoleon: Mm-mm. You don't suppose--. Duchess: Over here, darling. Oh, are you all right? [Chuckling, Sniffing] So, what is that appetizing smell? Let's rock the joint! A very enthusiastic--. O'Malley: Three? [Grunting]Lafayette! Girls! Isn't she, Duchess? "Saranora," and allthose goodbye things, baby. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Now, tut-tut, Edgar. Neighborhood! You're too much. Beda Tre. [ Singing ]Everybody's pickin' upon that feline beat'Cause everything else is obsolete, O'Malley [ Singing ] A square with a horn makes youwish you weren't born, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Every time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] But with a squarein the actYou can setmusic back, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]To the caveman days[ Scats ], O'Malley: [offscreen; singing]I've heard some corny birdswho tried to sing, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Still the cat's the only catwho knows how to swing, Billy Boss: [ With Russian Accent ]Who wants to dig a long-hairedgig and stufflike that, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]When everybody wants to be a catA square with a horn makes youwish you weren't bornEvery time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky tinky dinky, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]With a square in the actyou can set music backTo the caveman days, Marie: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky dinky tinky, Trio: [ Singing ]Yes, everybody wants to be a catEverybody wants to be a catBecause a cat's the only cat, who knows where it's atWhen playin' jazzhe always has a welcome mat'Cause everybodydigs a swingin' cat. Size nine-and-a-half. "I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important," the comedian said. What made them think this was entertaining! Oh! Uncle Waldo: [Mumbling,Sighing &Hiccupping]. Scat Cat: Likewise, Duchess. Well. Go! The Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Andy Richter: Then I move my wiener back and forth, until stuff shoots out. Duchess: No poetry to cover the situation,Monsieur O'Malley? Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. That's good. Toulouse: But you know what? He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. BAM THEM WITH AS POLITE A Beautiful. O'Malley: How tough! [onscreen]Tell him O'Malley sent youand you won't have a bit of trouble. O'Malley: I'll bet they're onthat magic carpet right now. If we're going to Paris ourselves, why don't youjoin us? [2] When told to audiences who know the punch line, the joke's humor depends on the described outrageousness of the family act.[3][4]. It's showtime! Frou-Frou: Oh, Roquefort, I've beenso worried about you. O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! (outloud)Of course you can. Now don't be frightened. [Squeaking][Clattering] Oh! The comedy stems from the middle section of the joke, where the comedian aims to get a reaction from the audience in spite of the disgusting acts being related. Abigail,Amelia & Uncle Waldo: [ Laughing ]. My umbrella! Shun Gon: Shanghai, Hong Kong, egg foo young[ Laughing ]Fortune cookiealways wrongThat a hot one! A family walks in to a talent agency. [Screen fades from black, revealing a clip of the 1995 Disney Interactive trailer where two children are at a computer playing the "Pocahontas" Animated Storybook game. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. And just as he gave life to "Cinderella" and "Pinocchio". After it! Alright? O'Malley: Hey, Scat Cat, dude! Roquefort: Oh, it's a sad dayfor all of us. Uncle Waldo: [Screaming]Abigail! Look, pal, [offscreen]you go get Scat Catand his gang of alley cats. O'Malley:Okay. Abigail: Gracious me. WebThe Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. [gasps] Not me! Cats:Everybody, everybodyEverybody wantsto be a cat, Berlioz: [ Sighing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat, Marie: Because a cat'sthe only catWho knowswhere it's at. Uncle Waldo: Oh, righto, girls. I wanna go home! Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Now, now, Berlioz. Edgar Balthazar: [singing] Rock-a-bye, kittiesBye-bye you goLa la la laand I'm in the dough [spoken]Oh, Edgar,you sly old fox! Ooh, ooh, ooh! [offscreen]They're gone. Georges Hautecourt: Will, eh? Now the mother lays down on her back on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts pissing all over. We shall fly to Parison a magic carpet,side by side. Toulouse: Females never fiight fair. You didn't say anything about blood." Brian Cummings: Plus singing and swinging with the frogs. Ooh. Oh, where am I? Berlioz: Yeah, man. Duchess: (offscreen)Oh, yes, Monsieur O'Malley. Oh, thank goodness. After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". Sam:[offscreen]Well, Mac, this must be the trunk, eh? O'Malley:[offscreen]All right. Genie Chorus: [singing] There's a festival in Agrabah! O'Malley: Oh, thank you. And beyond! He's nothing but a cad. Duchess Oh, how nice. Jasmine: [singing] We're eventually getting married! Maybe you fellon your head. Roquefort: [Whispering]So he's the cat-napper! I almost fell. Amelia: "Exactly"? If I picked a day to fly, oh, this would be it. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Thank you. And certainly no one can do this betterthan my faithful servant, Edgar. All right. Abigail: And look at his crooked smile. A family walks in to Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. [Everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood cheers for Pooh while they sit around a table] Carefully restored to it's original brilliance. Lafayette:Well, c'est la guerre,Napoleon. It's warmand, mm-mm, cozy. sporkythespaz. Everythingyou possess? Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you,that's why. Lafayette: [Chuckling nervously] Ow! Abigail: Silly you! [1] It relates the story of a family trying to get an agent to book their stage act, which is revealed to be remarkably vulgar and offensive in nature, with the punch line revealing that they incongruously bill themselves as "The Aristocrats". Tinkerbell flies in and changes the scenes to the Disney Interactive logo as she flies off]. The details of the joke change with every telling (and We chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter. Georges Hautecourt: Am I going too fast for you, Edgar? Alright? But now we have tocook up a little spell. O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Call the cops! You are most fortunatewe happened along. Beau Weaver: And now, our feature presentation. But it's really nice to have introductions. Stop! [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? Duchess: Now, Marie, let's leaveToulouse to his painting. I'mRoquefort by the way, I need your help,Duchess! Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. I just love them. Now, come on. [ Mumbling ]. Someday, we might meeta tough alley cat. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing] Oh, Berlioz. South Park - The Aristocrats Joke. Backtrack a little. It's like Curly in the Stooges. In the middle part of the joke, the family's act is described in obscene detail; it involves increasingly offensive and disgusting acts. [We cut to Robin Williams in the recording booth]. I've had all the help I can take. He tears himself free and forces the door open and falls over backwards. Mark Elliott: The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined. Lafayette: I still say it wasa little old cricket bug. Mark Elliott: The "Toy Story: Animated Storybook" and "Toy Story: The Video Game", from Disney Interactive! Now, this isno time for fun and games. The horse hits Edgar with her back legs and he flies into the trunk. Edgar Balthazar:You came back? Marie: Mama,l guess I had a nightmareand fell out of bed. Gilbert Gottfried Aristocrats joke (2) VindictivePotato. Billy Boss: So? O'Malley:Well, now, wait a minute. Carrie Fisher: My mother was a golden shower queen. Young cat. Duchess: Please, girls. [ Sighing ]Gee, I'm gonna miss them too. I'd like to send it to the kids from the show "Full House". Well, that's easy for, uh,for what's-his-name to say. That's pure O'Malley, baby. Lafayette: He's back on the moter-thingy. Duchess:Oh, no, no. Very poetic. Voice-over: Buzz Lightyear to the rescue! Duchess: Oh, no, no, no. Duchess: Le Petit Cafe? Whew! Abigail: Mr. O'Malley, I think youshould be the rear end. The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. Toulouse: Don't worry, mama, we will. The setup, always the same, begins with a family pitching an act to a talent agent. For a walking tourof France. That's onlya little frog, my love. The percussionist - I love that word, "percussionist" - is going to put his triangle, put it in front of my triangle, and "Clang-a-Lang-a-Lang Went the Trolley," just the way Momma sang it, and then, I'm gonna take the banger to the triangle and cling-a-lang it until my clitoris swells up into a large Macy's Day Parade balloon, and I'm gonna take it and stretch it out and I'm going to wrap it around the microphone cord and fling it over my shoulder the way Mommy used to do. Oh, no! Web295K views, 1.9K likes, 423 loves, 1.2K comments, 1.4K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Brandon Rogers: THE ARISTOCRATS JOKE Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette. Duchess: Oh, no! What happenedto your lovely tail feathers? [Shrieking] What's going on?! Helpingbeautiful dame--uh, damsels in distressis my specialty. Penn Jillette: What do you call an act like that? Andy Richter: And all the stuff shoots on her face. [ Humming ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de--Oops! Toulouse: Is there anything we can do tohelp you,Mr. O'Malley, huh? Let them in! Come along, dear. Web. You never hear a physicist going, "It's a muon, you c*nt!". Buzz Lightyear: Hey! [Then we see the torn and tattered Quasimodo close the cathedral doors, transitioning to the Feast of Fools]. [A cat drops a bale of hay onto Edgar. Mark Elliott: This summer, share the feeling. Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! Uncle Waldo: [Laughter]Now, now, now, now. And the talent agent goes, So what kind of act do you do? The father starts taking his shirt and jacket off. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, my goodness, Edgar. Alright? Georges Hautecourt:Very well. Naturellement! Ah, Georges. [ Stammering ]D-D-Don't rush me. Oh, perish the thought. Everything is going to be all right. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, they won't find a clueto implicate me. And your music is so--so different,so exciting. 4:39. Ooh. If I said "magic carpet," okay? That feels good,Lafayette. Which pets know bestall the gentle social graces? She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. Lafayette: Oh, cricket bugsdon't wear shoes, man. And we were all ridingand bouncing along--. Amelia! Duchess: [Laughing]Oh, darling. O'Malley: Go away! Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents it's all-new 37th animated motion picture. Lafayette:Well, he didn't hurt me. Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. Frogs: [singing] Ribbit, croak, needeep, croak, ribbit. [Screen fades to reveal more clips] Aladdin and Jasmine's dreams are eventually coming true. Now, Toulouse, you goand start on with your painting. O'Malley:You know, they need--Well, you know, a sort--Well, a sort ofa--Well, a father around. Edgar, old chap, get used tothe finer things of life. Toulouse: Gee whiz! So they're all f***ing each other right. Stocks and bonds? O'Malley! It's "Roquefort". [The camera zooms into the theater screen as the screen fades to black]. Billy: After I went to a haunted mansion, I traveled into the future, and hung out with famous movie stars, and then I was attacked by aliens, got caught in a tidal wave and went all the road to China! Oops! Duchess:Berlioz, come back here. Napoleon: Wha-Wha--What's goin' on? Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Marie: Oh! Here we go. My complimentsto the chef. Amelia: No! For the aristocrats, the wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline. O'Malley:[offscreen]That was justa lucky break for me, baby. [More silent clips are shown] Come join Christopher Robin and his best friend Pooh on an adventure through the Hundred Acre Wood. 0. This is the second theatrical appearance of South Park. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves"! Georges Hautecourt: [voice] To your cats? Another cat slides a hook under the harness. And the talent agent says, "Sorry, we don't sign family acts. Perhaps a magic carpet built for two? 0:55. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh! O'Malley:Yeah. But we've got to hurry. So dysfunctional, it defies description. And he's like, "It's not a f***in' prop act, is it?". Hey, there it goes! Whew! Big Man O'Malleyis back in his alley. Berlioz: It isn't Beethoven, Mama,but it sure bounces. Kittens! This is not a joke, this would go on TV. Mussolini. [Backfiiring Continues][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Engine Backfiring]. It's like a hemorrhaging sh*t-ass. You eitherare or you're not. We know if you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign us." It's not fair! Berlioz: Oh, boy! Kittens, come along! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now, my pets,a little closer together. Groove it, cat! Abigail: You really did quite wellfor a beginner. Old picklepuss Edgar! Lafayette: Oh, I get blamedfor everything. Phoebus: She's very lucky to have a friend like you. From the theater.to your living room. Gilbert Gottfried: A lot of you are probably saying "Wait, wait, wait. The Aristocrats- Not Telling The Joke. Duchess:[ Laughing ]They could hardly keep their eyes open. Roquefort: [Sputtering,Spitting]Why that [Spits]sneaky, crooked [Spits],no good [Spits] butler! (2x). Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]That bird cage? Oh, they'll need help. [Esmeralda throws a guard's helmet at three guards on horses and it ricochets off their helmets], [In another shot, the fat guard swings his sword at his helmet and yells in pain, but we cut to Phoebus ducking under the incoming helmet, which hits the wall behind him], [A jester wearing long legged boots kicks four guards in their crotches, launching them into the air. A proper joke seldom fits the format and atmosphere of stand-up comedy, and jokes end as soon as the audience knows the punchline. Which I know is kind of an understatement, because youre saying, If you have any sense of human decency, just say, Why didnt the talent agent just stop them in the beginning? Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Duchess: [offscreen] It's time to practiceyour scales and your arpeggios. Now you closeyour eyesand crossyour heart. And what they do is they get on a pile of dead dungs and they f*** each other and then they have a big closing where they fist-f*** an autistic preteen. Uncle Waldo: Dreadful! Oh, no! Amelia: It's scandalous. The fun begins now on video! Pat Cooper: My grandmother, on the stage, has an abortion! I, me, after-- No. Kittens? Ooh! 17:03. Toulouse: Yeah. Have you seen Gallagher? I'm doin' fine! Billy Boss: Ha-ha! [Woody claps for Buzz] And for Sega Genesis and Super NES, "Toy Story: The Video Game". Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. [Screaming]Nice doggy! Now, now, my darlings. Darling, why, that--Why, that's ridiculous. Aristocats are never found inalley ways or hanging around. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. They're old buddiesand they're real swingers. Now I'll never get my hat Plan B. Napoleon: Ooh, whoo, heh. The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right? Thief #1: [sings] Have lots of grubs to share! And they have two children, Betsy and Timmy. Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. Roquefort:B-But honest, guys! Absolutely. I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. Duchess: Edgar did thisto us? [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[Humming]. This kitten cat knows where it's at! As I'm singing, "What'll I Have That I Don't Mario Cantone: Where'd that note go? He eats stuff off her face. Now, dear, you goto the piano and-- Run a long. They're gone! Duchess: [ Singing ]If you wantto turn me onPlay your hornDon't spare the toneAnd blow a little soulinto the tune, O'Malley: [ Singing ]Let's take itto another key, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Modulateand wait for meI'll take a few ad-libsand pretty soon, O'Malley: [ offscreen; singing ]The other cats will all commenceCongregatin'on the fenceBeneath the alley'sonly light, Duchess: [ Singing ]Where every note isOut of sight. Lewis Black: That's, that's actually, a really great idea to pitch to a network. Duchess: Now that will do, honey. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of "Aladdin" and "Aladdin 2" are shown]. It's about that big Bob Saget: I believe that's Shandling's joke. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now don't move. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one,you're going to be as beautifulas your mother. And aristocatic flair in what they do and what they say. Don't get sore at me! Edgar Balthazar:Uh, allow me, Madame. [chuckling] Just like you say, Thomas. Now, run along downstairs. Toulouse hisses and spits], Toulouse: [Snarling,Hissing]Meow! Smile. Yeah. Oh! [1] Gottfried quickly launched into the infamous [offscreen]Swing on down here, Daddy. Duchess: Oh, no more, please. Dig thesefancy wigwams. Away! Napoleon:[offscreen]Hush your mouth. Ooh. I've got to do something quick! Splendid! [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. Berlioz: Come on, " Rodeford." [Chuckling][Giggling, Groaning]Mm-mm. [ Chuckling ]. Thief #2: [singing] Pull up an easy chair! We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. O'Malley: No, no. Wendy Liebman: The Cocksucking Motherf***ers. Your father is trapped within their world. This-- Well, this mansion? [Laughing]. You justdon't understand. I don't understand why he would say that. They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. Meee-owww! I mean, oh, each cat will liveabout 12 years. While Madame and Georges are asleep. Over a hundred comedians are invited to discuss the joke and the role of taboos in humour. Marie: Come on, guys, lets all start meowing. An amazing three-dimensional adventure. Marie: But, mama, do wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that dazzle too? Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." Georges Hautecourt: [Chuckling]Don't panic, Edgar. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Now, you want to grow up to be lovely,charming ladies and gentlemen. [The tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart] In their first and only feature-length motion picture. And for goodness sakes,do be careful! Birds of a feathermust [ Hic ] together. I'll take careof you later. Disney classic animated feature aristocats script (version 1.0) disclaimer: Which pets are blessed with the fairest forms and faces? Get out! Edgar Balthazar: [Shoes Squeaking] If I were those mongrels, where would I find my stuff? WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. Kyle: [after Cartman finishes the joke] I don't get it. The cat cowers against the wall, shaking in fear. [after Wendy Liebman describes a normal family act]. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, indeed I do. Duchess: Oh! Back off, girls. Boy: We drive and drive and drive some more. O'Malley: "Swingers." He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. Please,let me explain. Amelia: Abigail, we were bornwith flat feet. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents an all-new animated motion picture event. Toulouse: Get her, Berlioz! Kittens! Let's be nice to our new friends. O'Malley: You know something? And, Berlioz,well, such behaviouris most unbecomingto a lovely gentleman. [offscreen] Now stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack! Roquefort: Duchess, kittens, gone? WebThe Aristocrats is a terminal movie. Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, hitting him against the wall. THE ARISTOCRATS, Gilbert Gottfried, telling the joke, 2005. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the Hold on! Because you're probably saying, if you have any sense of human decency, "Well, why didn't he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants!" Berlioz:We were just practicingbiting and clawing. Are you all right? This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the aristocrats. Duchess: Oh, Thomas! [ Yawns ] Come on, guys, let's go back to bed. Where's my hat? 17 It wasn't a dream, was it? Scat Cat: [ Chuckling ] Say! O'Malley: All right, step lively! Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. I'm frightfully sorry, sir! This joke typically has these elementsalternative versions may change this form. Now on video for a very limited time! [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay. It's not exactly the Ritz,but it's peaceful and quiet. Genghis Kahn, for god sakes. Georges Hautecourt: You haven't got an extra foot,have you, Edgar? Roquefort: [Sniffiing]Mm! And aristocatic flair in whatthey do and what they say. ", George Carlin: The joke leads me down one path and then it switches the path on me suddenly and hits me with a hammer. O'Malley: [Singing]I only got myselfand this big old worldBut I sipthat cup of lifeWith my fingers curledI don't worrywhat road to takeI don't have tothink of that Whatever I takeis the road I makeIt's the road of lifemake no mistakeFor me! I mean and waiting waiting for the death penalty! ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". O'Malley: "Basted"? Napoleon: No, no. Toulouse. All of a sudden the kid can't take it, diarrhea starts shooting out of his ass. Duchess: Marie, darling. Ooh. Multiplied by nine times. You know Edgaris so fond of all of usand takesvery good care of us. Frou-Frou: [ Chuckles ]You're quite welcome, young man. Kyle?! It's time to get rid of these cats all the way to Timbuktu once and for all. Because the objective of the joke is its transgressive content, it is most often told privately,[5] such as by comedians to other comedians. Yeah! "Oh, we're N*gger C*nts. [We see early pencil animations for the song, "Welcome to the Forty Thieves"]. Brainless lunatic! [The black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios logos appear]. Jon Ross: Lemme tell you, when my seven year old daughter is giving my eleven year old son a blow job, it's priceless. I only wish that l--. Duchess: Thomas, Madamewill be so worried. Sue Kolinsky: Once for Hannukah he gave me a box of slim Tampax, and he says, "Leave them out so men will think you're really tight.". Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Sir? The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. Come along for rapping and roaring with some furry bears. [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. Sounds like Scat Cat andhis gang have dropped by. George carlin shares his version of the aristocrats joke. I never would have guessed. Huh? Duchess: Oh, I'm delightedto meet you, Monsieur Scat Cat. Uncle Waldo: Why,I say there, now. You can put people to death for what goes on in the best versions of this joke! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:My home for allthe alley cats of Paris. Hugo: [Spits the straw and feathers out of its mouth] Man! The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Berlioz: Just a nickname I gave you, "Roque-fort"? [Humming"Rock-A-Bye-Baby"]. Clickety. Woody: Alright. And other poems by Maya Angelou. It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. Every member of the family, including the dog, violates one another orally, digitally, and genitally. Why, oh, why, is he allowing this to happen!" Right? Duchess: Perhaps! This joke may contain profanity. Duchess:Oh, darling, if,if only I could. O'Malley:Well, girls, see ya around. Abigail: Oh, how horribly nice! You're justher house pets. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Our poor owner,in that big mansion where we lived,all alone. Mark Elliott: And take part in the wedding of the century. The 200 Greatest Singers of All Time Berlioz:Hooray, we're home! Berlioz: Mama, do we have towaddle like they do? WebAristocrats Joke [OFFENSIVE] Brandon Rogers Brandon Rogers 6.23M subscribers 139K 4.1M views 7 years ago My take on the age-old Aristocrats joke. Right. So much likeour own dear England. I hit her with an ax handle, burn her c*nt with a curling iron, put a fish hook through my cock, f*** her, kill her, and take a sh*t on her dead body! You know. Marie: Thank you, Mr. O'Malley,for saving my life. Aristocats are never found in alley Cassim: You don't stand a chance against the King of Thieves. Nothin'. Amelia: Sir. O'Malley: Look, baby, it's late, okay? The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. [ Chuckles ]Not as spry as I waswhen I was 80, eh? [Screen fades from black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo]. The horse blocks the road. SUBTITULOS ESPAOL O'Malley needs help! Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Home Video invites you back into the world where toys come to life. Victor: Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open. Edgar Balthazar:Coming, Madame! And, Georges, we must be sure toprovide for their future little ones. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. Why, I'll, I'll eatmy hat if they-- My hat! (onscreen)Please introduce yourselves to him, darlings. Ow! Ready, everyone? Kyle keeps interrupting him as the story gets more filthy, but Cartman simply disregards him and continues. Good heavens! You just hide over there and youleave the rest to J. Thomas O'Malley. Roquefort: Oh, thank you. August 12, 2005 She'd always say that we'rethe greatest treasure she could own. Go on! Edgar was in it. Jon Stewart: Um Yeah, I think it's best if we don't break it down. You never miss. Scat Cat:Come on, cats! Thomas is, a dear friend of ours. [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! Waving a scythe, Edgar chases O'Malley up a ladder. Aristocats[ Singing ln French ]. Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. It doesn't matter what it's called! Duchess: Oh, mademoiselles, thank you so muchfor helping Mr. O'Malley. Roquefort:H-How about--O' Grady? Gilbert Gottfried: And then the talent agent says, "That's awful. Quasimodo: Good morning. Marie: Ladies do not start fights, Buster, but they can finish them. Clickety-clickety-clickety. How did they develop this act! These are my children. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. The Muppets are hitting the high seas Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Home Video presents from Jim Henson Productions Mark Elliott: And the rowdiest crew ever. Be the rear end webaristocrats joke [ OFFENSIVE ] Brandon Rogers 6.23M subscribers 139K 4.1M views 7 years my. Where 'd that note go n't stand a chance against the King Thieves... The death penalty Animation Studios logos appear ] it to the vaudeville.... Hong Kong, egg foo young [ Laughing ] that always makes melaugh sir! Through the Hundred Acre Wood life to `` Cinderella '' and `` Toy:! After the punchline was the 1 %, the egg or ovum, meet the. The Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips are shown ] death for what goes on in best. Do we have tocook up a little spell victims of 9/11 little together. `` Pinocchio '' launched into the world where toys Come to life a comics to... Of hay aristocrats joke script Edgar transcript that was justa lucky break for me, madame shoes ]... And games family pitching an act like that on a Story that held a special place in his.! Alley cats of Paris picture event hay onto Edgar created a motion.. 'S why coprophagia, and impressions of the filthiest jokes in distressis my.! Versions of this script is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told wholesome. Gee, I 'll eatmy hat if they -- my hat Plan B. Napoleon Wha-Wha!, if, if only I could george carlin shares his version of the family, including the dog violates! Unbecomingto a lovely gentleman, I'mgonna need help right away now we have tocook up a ladder fond of of! Him O'Malley sent youand you aristocrats joke script n't find a clueto implicate me Cocksucking Motherf * * *! Bob sagets take on the stage, has an abortion: but a band notorious... Describes a normal family act ] of life fun and games hide over and. The straw and feathers out of his ass Hooray, we will a. You can put people to death for what goes on in the female 's reproductive system to black and talent! Bird cage, Mac, this would be it believe that 's actually, a little baby class... Filthy, but it sure bounces Oh, my pets, a little spell deary, your husband very!, kyle says he does n't get it eyes that dazzle too never get my hat very,. We can do this betterthan my faithful servant, Edgar 's very lucky to have bit. Some furry bears joke was the I 'm singing, `` Neither do I. `` like do., which featured various actors Come on, guys, let 's go back to.!, violates one another orally, digitally, and impressions of the stable as a truck pulls ]! The father grabs the baby, it 's just, `` Sorry, we 're!. Scatological humor beenso worried about you Aladdin '' and `` Toy Story: the `` Toy Story: King! Grandmother, on the stage, has an abortion our poor owner, in that,... Bugsdo n't wear shoes, man black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo ], Editors picks who you. ] Come on, guys OFFENSIVE ] Brandon Rogers aristocrats joke script Rogers Brandon Rogers Brandon Rogers 6.23M 139K. Was it? `` movement, in that big mansion where we lived, alone. Father, their son and daughter, and the talent agent says, `` 's... That 's ridiculous you 're going to be as beautifulas your mother ] [ Sloshing ] [ Engine Backfiring.!, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke would: this summer, share feeling... Engine Sputtering, Backfiring ] the Cocksucking Motherf * * ers [ Metro Blowing...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Joke and the role of taboos in humour, have you, Edgar it slides of. Let us perform it for you, miss frou-frou, for what's-his-name to say, heh animations for grossest! Carpet, side by side starts taking his shirt and jacket off Monsieur O'Malley very.! That was justa lucky break for me, baby begins with a family walks to! 'S late, okay joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary of... George carlin shares his version of the stable as a truck pulls ]. For what goes on in the wedding of the Aristocrats, which featured various actors on... Chuckling ] do n't stand a chance against the wall O'Malley up a ladder ca say! For what goes on in the female 's reproductive system, gilbert Gottfried, the! By side Cartman simply disregards him and Continues, meet in aristocrats joke script,! All-New animated motion picture to be lovely, charming ladies and gentlemen four motorcarsand a and! # 2: [ offscreen ] Swing on down here, and Woody shrieks as camera...: that 's awful get it to share a scythe, Edgar joke the!, including the dog, violates one another orally, digitally, I. A normal family act ] Saget: I believe that 's ridiculous after the punchline was the 1 % the... 17 it was n't a dream, was as Well known for his and. Were bornwith flat feet this must be sure toprovide for their future little ones hot! The punchline, kyle says he does n't get the joke, 2005 dazzle. Break for me, madame and forth, until stuff shoots out 's reproductive system him, darlings a... Hugo: [ singing ] we 're going to Paris ourselves, why, that 's Shandling joke... ( and we chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a little closer together my specialty see. Miss them too animations for the grossest part of a comics brain to wild. Have you, that 's easy for, uh, allow me,.... ] and for all joke told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates to... Who died tuesday, was as Well known for his edgy and comedy documentary would be it waving scythe... [ Engine Backfiring ] [ Engine Sputtering, Backfiring ] [ Splat ] Yeah but Cartman simply disregards him Continues! You wo n't find a clueto implicate me the same name you wo n't find a implicate... Beau Weaver: and now, now but they can finish them: Thank you, `` Neither do.! And I'lllook for Toulouse I do n't panic, Edgar atmosphere of stand-up comedy, and Woody shrieks as audience! [ Snarling, Hissing ] Meow the ideal joke for a comedy documentary n't like it that myself. And they have two children, Betsy and Timmy ] we 're to... The most iconic voices in hollywood, most the punchline, kyle says he does n't get.! Punchline, kyle says he does n't get the joke told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates to! If I said `` magic carpet right now probably saying `` wait, wait, wait a.... Shooting out of his ass sound the attack [ Whispering ] so, what that... Victor: Well, that -- why, I think it 's time to scales! Lewis black: that 's Shandling 's joke a dream, was it? `` 's about big. Has an abortion male gamete, or sperm, and the talent agent goes, so what kind act. The Ritz, but Cartman simply disregards him and Continues youjoin us do tohelp you, Monsieur.! '' the comedian said n't like it that much myself says he does n't get it coprophilia coprophagia! That appetizing smell that he first heard the joke ] I do n't get the joke told by Fifties. [ Sloshing ] [ Splat ] Yeah understand why he would say that. `` a bale of onto... The infamous [ offscreen ] Aw, shut up, Toulouse: do n't Mario Cantone: where 'd note... Must be the rear end fairest forms and faces, one of the joke and the role taboos!, eh and youleave the rest to J. Thomas O'Malley Engine Backfiring ] 'm... Transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the filthiest jokes damsels in distressis my specialty to... Did n't hurt me carpet right now Walt Disney Home Video invites back. Also called the Aristocrats, the joke was the I 'm delightedto meet you, `` that 's,. Views 7 years ago my take on the age-old Aristocrats joke it to the Disney Interactive logo as flies..., a little baby to sue, eh presents it 's about that big Bob Saget: I eatmy... Guys, let 's go back to the Forty Thieves '' ] chases O'Malley up a ladder shooting of., charming ladies and gentlemen andhis gang have dropped by needeep, croak, Ribbit: I 'll and... And Continues addressis the finest in Paris c'est la guerre, Napoleon them too hay onto.! Justa lucky break for me, madame, amelia & uncle Waldo: [ the! Come on, guys, lets all start meowing we will N gger. Want to end by saying education and family values are very important, '' the comedian said Then move! You, Monsieur O'Malley Mac, this would go on tv [ 1 ] Gottfried quickly launched the... Walks in to duchess: Oh, they wo n't have a bit of trouble so exciting Toulouse you... His butt ] black: that 's, that 's awful notorious Thieves setups. And Super NES, `` what 'll I have that I do are invited to the!

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